So I load the pack up, and setup my shot, spend a minute focusing, getting the shot just right, put the filter on and press the shiny red shutter release button. The shutter opened, but nothing else changed, no glorious pop of the mirror or squeeky grind of the gears rolling my photo out, what the hell. I knew it had to be that the batteries had gone bad, I also knew what had to be done.
I moved into the bathroom, bringing with me a old empty plastic film cartridge, my camera, the top slip, and a crappy polaroid photo. In the total darkness I take the 80's dead battery pack out and feel my way around it until I can slip out the first photo. The photo glides out easier than I'd imagined. Next I had to fanaggle the photos one by one into the new cartridge back through the same slot I was pulling them out of the other cartridge. Thankfully these cartridges are flimsy cheap plastic and you can easily bend them. After a few monotonous minutes putting each of the 10 shots into the new cartridge I put the top slip in over them. Then felt around and found the camera, put the crappy polaroid photo in the camera so that I could fit the 600 film into the sx-70. For some reason when I'd put the cartridge in, three or four shots and the top slip would be forced through the small front slot of the cartridge, not allowing it to be fully inserted. After a few tries I secured the shot's into the cartridge and pushed them down into place.
It worked, all the normal photo taking sounds occurred and the top slip came out... Followed by half of the first photo, shit. I pulled the photo the rest of the way out. The chemical pod had ruptured and spread it's demon seed all over the innards of my camera. There was blueish purple caustic chemical paste all over my fingers. I was still pumped that I had saved 9 of my 1980's cartridge shots so I went and took a few more photos. All of the photos had random portions of the chemicals scattered all over them like butter on toast. You could tell the film was expired, it lacked definition and was yellow brown, consisting of mostly mid-tones.
That's when it hit me, like someone had touched my right eye with the tentacle of a jellyfish or bee stinger. I ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, there was what appeared to be a bluish purple slug on my right eye lid. I immediately wiped it off with my finger followed by alot of water.
I get polaroid goo on my hands all the time, but this is the first time it had ever brought me physical pain. I got my chat on with Erick and told him about the ordeal. He sounded worried and started copy and pasting things about the caustic lye chemicals in 600 film chemical pods and their warnings, you know deep chemical burns and blindness. Tight. That's when I got super paranoid and washed my eye and skin around it like 50 times wondering if I'd go blind. 24 hours later my eye still stings, and I have a little sore burn like thing on my eyelid. It looks sorta like someone dug their grimey pinky nail into my skin and it got infected. I mean what's the worse that could happen?
So yeah, that photo above is the photo that got the chemical all over. It sort of reminds me of Pimento loaf, out of focus and growing mold.
So kids and dudes, let this be a lesson to you and your friends. If you get polaroid chemicals on your hands, for the love of sweet baby jesus(btw happy birthday player) DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE GET THAT SHIT IN YOUR EYES! Holy god, you will regret it for days to come. my eyeball feels like a cactus in my eye socket.
the end.
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